I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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