I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
