so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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