I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
