Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
