Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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