I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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