god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
