I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
