I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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