yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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