put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
