If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
