last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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