She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
