she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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