i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
