tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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