So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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