You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The adults are the big ones right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize