Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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