What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
