Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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