WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
