you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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