she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
