About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
