anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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