And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
