u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
