I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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