I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
