Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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