so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Randomize
