after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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