Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
