She said her name was "party"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
