Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize