I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
