Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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