I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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