you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
