Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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