she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
