i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
