this beer tastes like vomit already
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
