I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
