So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
