I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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