So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
