Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
