We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
