I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
