i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
