That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
