I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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