toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
