At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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