I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
