legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
